Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Here is some more information from my retreat in NH. Saturday morning we spent some alone time with God and were instructed to do the ACTS method (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication) through Psalm 34. I have been struggling for a really long time to spend one-on-one time with God and half way through my journaling I looked back and what I wrote under confession, and there in my own handwriting was "I don't have enough faith in Him when it comes to my parents/family." That struck me hard. I never realized it - yet in hindsight it's really true. I have given it up to God constantly but more in a "I've had enough of this crap just take it and get it away from me." More of a way to protect myself rather than wanting God to fix it. Maybe I'm scare that God will let me down. But I really need to work on actually believing that He can make radical changes. I don't think my parents will get back together ever - I gave up on that years ago, even before our separation, but I do believe (or at least am trying too - see this is what I need to work on more) that God can make us a better functioning family. I think it will take years. But hopefully someday we can be a happy, Demi Moore, Bruce Willis, Aston Kutcher way (I know horrible example). Another thing that stuck out to me in Psalm 34, was verse 18: "The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." More to come from my retreat!